self-portrait
sometimes i rearrange mental furniture at 3 in the
morning; tearing books off of shelves placing chairs in
strange positions, and forget to write letters to
distant relatives and wish happy birthdays to friends, but
that doesn’t stop me from dancing in front of mirrors as if
they were placed in studio halls and fighting as if bruises didn’t last for
several days and
running doesn’t cause my surgery laden knees to ache but
sometimes i think i’ll reach somewhere
beyond where the trees break and
where the sky and the ground meet, where
the blue river mixes with the pink finger-painted sky if
i don’t stop, so
i don’t.
-
sometimes i have thoughtless nights staring at the
white dots that form my ceiling and
sometimes i have too many thoughts at night that
i can see whirling around my head until
they tire me into the submission of sleep, but
that doesn’t mean i don’t dream about
the things i can’t see but want anyway, things like
love and being remembered for being more than
a compilation of cells, more than skin and bones that
ache at the end of the night.
-
sometimes i play dated music at obscure hours, shelved in
battered packages and faded cardboard collections, echoes of
people who no longer remain in bodies but lie
between the scratches of the records passed down from
my mother and father, more pieces of the people they used to be, given to
me as a last effort to remember their own
ill-fated rebellious adolescence.
sometimes i fall in love with a feeling and
fall out of love with reason but
that doesn’t mean that i’m wrong.
sometimes i find myself in the words that
i write and sometimes that’s
all i need
to be.