de facto

I want to tell you about the cool river, dipped over my head, the flash of water, the drown that lasted too short

in an attempt to feel better, I walk with sadness, greeted as an old childhood friend, producing no shadow behind me

when the firetrucks stop, I’ll remember I live in new york, created a life 300 miles away and walked into it

close the window and blinds, pack up the car, stop asking questions the world can’t answer

everything feels so heavy, bulks boxes leave bruises on my arms, hold heavy to my soul

I didn’t finish the story I told you but you can guess the end, stop me if you’ve heard this one before, she journeyed where the moon couldn’t follow, a trail of dust settling at the heels.

— — — —

let me reverse what I said before, the fire trucks have bells that sound like ice cream approaching, hands reaching to what they cannot grab.

I don’t walk with sadness, she trails me looming, still no shadow to be found.

I don’t believe I live in new york, and when asked I’ll lie about the hardest part of leaving. the books stacked on the floor, the fingertips wiped from my skin. were you here as a shadow I used to reach for?

the water looks to answer the questions I keep asking but I don’t get closer until it covers me and then — more questions.

dreams grant me solidarity and leave me in peace, untethered to the veins that we laid in front of us